Salt in an Open Wound?

As mentioned in my prior post i'm already not doing good. Lets add in that with my 1/16 of a tank of gas, and my last $2 to my name i decided to make a break for the reservation today and buy a pack of smokes. I was gonna try and quit, but I just needed something to calm my nerves.

So, just before the rez there's a crap load of troopers set up in a road block stopping everyone checking for inspections and insurance and registration. I think to myself, i'm good, my inspection isnt up til the end of this month, my insurance and registration are good til 12/15. K. NOT!.

"can you please pull over to the side, I'll be right with you" (he was looking at my taped on inspection sticker pretty funny). I then look at my inspection sticker and see the month punched is November 2006. WTF! WTF! WTF! I got my inspection done in December WTF does it say November?

The last straw on the already broken camel's back. I start balling when i realize im FUCKED. I hear from another trooper "the tint's too dark too". WTF are you KIDDING ME?

NYS Trooper Hock comes over to my car. Looks again at my inspection sticker. "where did you get that sticker? it doesnt look real" I said i got it in Long Island when I lived there last December just before I moved here in January. It wouldnt stick so i taped it back on. "license and registation and proof of insurance please".

Of course i'm an idiot scatter brain and forgot to put my current insurance card in the car - so i just have my temporary in there. He says "can you roll up your window a little bit please?" I roll up window about 1/3. "This tint is too dark too. You need to remove that" I ask how "theres a spray they sell at Wal-Mart that softens it, you just need to take off the drivers side and passenger front. everything from your shoulder back is fine".

He takes a lap around my car and comes back. "that rear tire has no tread on it, that's not legal". Me just sitting here balling waiting for whatever else he's gonna hit me with.

"which ticket do you want? I'm only gonna give you 1. You want the inspection, the tire, or the tint?" I said which is cheaper and will affect my license and insurance the least? "they are all about the same price, $25-$50 ish depending on the judge, and none affect your license or insurance unless you dont pay them" I said i dunno ... "he says Im gonna give you the inspection".

he comes back "your court date is 12/18 at 6:00 pm. Make sure you get the car inspected before you go in. you could get it knocked down to a parking ticket or something. Stop crying its not a huge deal."

I said you dont understand, money is so tight right now and i'm just really having a bad bad time right now and now i cant even drive my car to take care of all my bills when i do finally get paid that will only take care of about 1/4 of what I owe and just enough to keep everyone at bay for another 2 weeks. This is just not what i needed right now. And to get this car inspected these tires are almost $200 a piece, plus whatever they decide to not pass me for on inspection, plus the inspection fee. I just really didnt need this right now.

"you still got your donut?" yes "put your donut on and find a shop that will pass you with the donut on or buy a used tire and just get it passed".

thats a great idea but no one has these tires used 215/45/17 is never used, hard to find, and just really out of what i can afford right now. "put ur donut on and see what you can find. make sure you go to the court and see if they'll drop it down for you".

Thanks officer. Am i gonna get nailed again when i come back through here in 10 mins? "no that ticket will buy you a couple of days. just get it taken care of as soon as possible". Thanks again.

I go buy my lousy pack of cigarettes. I come back to the road block. I pull over and wave to the same cop that gave me the ticket. I pull out my receipt showing I got my inspection done 12/08/05. I say, i'm not trying to be smart, i have a legitimate question. Why does it say november on my sticker? "he says somebody punched the wrong date, make sure you go to court and you should get it thrown out. Good thing you kept that. Make sure you take that receipt to court with you" and he proceeds to give me a couple places to try and find a cheap tire to throw on so i can pass inpsection. And my gas light comes on while im sitting there. He sees it - big red light on my dashboard. he says "i'll stop these guys and let you get on your way before i have to give you a ride home". Thanks again. "ok... have a good morning, night, afternoon... what time is it? 2:30... afternoon. hope it gets better for you". Thanks... again...

so lets say i find a cheap tire.. /cough .. cheap being the relative term being i have no expendable income at this moment. let's go back to June when i had to have a blow out replaced and the idiots that replaced my tire broke the key to my locking lugs. I bought a new set of lugs and key, but they dont make the kind that is on my other 3 tires. So any time i have to have any tire/brake work done on those 3 tires i now have to pay for someone to air chisel or cut off my old lugs and replace them with the new lugs. Thats at about $65 an hour labor. Plus cost of tire, plus cost of balance, mount, and road hazard, and $45 for inspection pass or fail. And what will they find to fail me for? Because as you can see... thats just my luck.

Did i mention i'm overwhelmed? I feel like i'm on the edge of a dark abyss, just tottering... i'm holding my breath, because heaven forbid i let out my breath it will be the thing that causes the final imbalance and causes me to fall into that abyss. (this is what i call LOSING MY SHIT) That abyss is looking mighty relieving and empty and full of mindless ignorance... but i fear if i give in and let go... will i ever get the motivation to belly crawl my way back out? Is there a way out of that blackness?