The Love of My Life Died Today

Meet KK's Cam - he was the greatest love of my life for the past nearly 5 years. He was my constant companion, the forgiver of all my tedious transgressions, and loved me regardless of these ill gotten fates and mistakes, and unconditionally.

10-09-1994 to 01-07-2007

He died this morning in my arms at approx 4:00 am. His illness was sudden, and rapidly deteriorated him since Thursday. Believed to be kidney failure. I watched his pain and agonized over what I could do to help him, the only conclusion I could come to as he further deteriorated and was in obvious pain, was to help him cross the Rainbow Bridge quicker and hopefully in much less pain. This was a very hard decision for me to make, and I must admit took me much longer to make due to my own selfish needs. I knew losing Cam would be a very painful thing for me, all of my GH friends know this well, have witnessed the bond between me and my Boy - watched the change in both of us as he came into my life so few years ago. I also knew because of his age that it would be coming soon, but I never expected it now, I guess we never do, but I had sincerely hoped his passing would be much less painful for him, and I honestly never wanted to have the memories of him over the past 3 days that I witnessed as his illness claimed his aged body.

I can only hope he forgives me for taking so long to help him over the Bridge, and hope that I lived up to whatever expectations he may have had for me as a partner in life, and that he has good memories of our life together, and as he looks down on me, waiting for Bucky and I to join him, that he's smiling and knows I love him still and always will. I will never forget my "old man" and his silly "mad monkey brigade", and his seemingly never ending joy, excitement, and bouncing stride over the smallest walk to the mailbox.

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." ~ Anonymous

Please bear with me over the next few days, as there are a lot of changes for Bucky and I upcoming - the biggest - adjusting to life without Cam, and of course we are relocating, yet again. Life will be a little rough for me in the coming days and I may not be the friendliest of people.

from my grandma ;

YOUR PETS LETTER TO YOU

If it should be that I grow frail and weak,

And pain should keep me from my sleep,

Then you must do what must be done,

For this last battle can't be won.

You will be sad, I understand,

Don't let your grief then hold your hand.

For this day, more than all the rest,

Your love and friendship stands the test.

We've had so many happy years,

What is to come can hold no fears.

Would you want me to suffer ? So...

When that time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend,

But stay beside me to the end.

And hold me firm and speak to me

Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see,

The kindness that you've done for me.

Although my tail its last has waved,

From pain and suffering I've been saved

Do not grieve. It must be you,

Who must decide this thing to do.

We've been so close, we two, these years,

Remember joy among your tears.

~anonymous